I'm Doing Me!
This is a topic that has been on my mind for a long time, but putting it into words has been a little difficult for me. I started blogging in 2012 as a simple hobby, a way to get my creative juices out into the world. If you asked me back then that this would turn into a full-on business, I would have laughed at you. I honestly created this platform to share ideas, have fun and make it a place to inspire others.
The moment I started realizing this can be a business I knew that it would have to take hard work and dedication, something entrepreneurs would tell you over and over. On the outside, it will look easy to others, but the blood sweat and tears that go into creating a blog is a lot. For myself, it has been a long road because I have a full-time job, two toddlers, a marriage, home, family and friends all to worry about. I have three full-time jobs if you look at it and man guys it's not easy. I may look like I got it all figured out, but I don't, and I have to be very transparent with you guys about this.
I noticed about two years ago that I was giving a lot to people instead of my family and work. I was stressing myself for irrelevant factors, and I needed to stop asap. At this point, I started to notice the lack of speech and communication from Ayden, and it was my wake-up call. I needed to step back and re-evaluate where I was putting my energy. I was putting time into fake friendships instead of what was important like my marriage and children. I have even neglected this platform, and that's when I knew I needed to step back and fix it.
The past two years also showed me who were true friends and who were simply not there for me. Having to deal with my son's issues and my nephews in the hospital was extremely hard for me and to be honest still is. I have amazing days and some days where I am frozen on the couch riddled with anxiety. I have a million tasks, but they just don't get done because my anxiety takes over my body. Even worse is when I say I am going to do something and I just don't do it which disappoints people, but more so having to explain why which anyone with anxiety knows you don't want to do. For the most part, I do have it together and get on this track of accomplishing my tasks, but when anxiety hits me, it's with this force that I can't control.
For a long time, I have controlled my anxiety because I avoided triggers, but the issues that have transpired this year were out of my control. I have worked hard for things in my life, and for a long time, I felt guilty sharing the fruits of my labor. My mother has always told me never to feel guilty of what you have because the REAL people in your life will genuinely be happy for your blessings. It' so easy for people to see the pretty nice things, but they forget what you sacrificed to get it. A lot of the time relationships get sacrificed when you are building a brand, and that's just the truth; it sucks buts it's just what it is. You try, but most of the time you are leaving people disappointed, and it's not the lack of caring its just time is not on your side. Let's remember friends and family have their own lives as well so you can't expect people to understand your world. You may try to explain it,but explaining being an influencer/blogger is exhausting.
We live in a world where people look at your social feed and they think they have your life figured out, but the reality is you are seeing a section of someone's life, even that social media personality you love. Friends will look at your feed and assume you are at an event for shits and giggles when in all actuality you are contractually obligated to be there. I have had to have numerous conversations with people in my life about my blogging job and again it was exhausting. Funny thing is most of those people are no longer in my life. Remember if someone is not supporting your dream, they don't need to be in your life. I have grown to understand that I don't need to explain it, the people that love me know what my intentions are and what I am trying to create and when I make it big those people will be by my side. I have come to realize that I need to change the balance in my life; I am figuring what balance is, but it's needed.
The shirt I'm wearing in these pictures is very fitting for this post because these words run through my head often. Kyrzayda worked her butt off , she was often misunderstood but never wavered. I am taking these words and running with them! I am doing it now and not waiting for anyone to understand my process. I hope anyone reading this, really takes these words and live by it because the only person that can make you happy is you. The world deserves a happy you.
“GO DO IT NOW, DON’T WAIT ANOTHER DAY, ANOTHER HOUR, OR ANOTHER TIME. GO AND DO IT NOW!”
Peace & Love